It Takes a Village to Raise an Idiot

Parents, raise your children well because that mediocre, irresponsible, intellectually inert child of yours could be the president of the United States one day, and then where will that leave the rest of us?

Teach your sons and daughters to finish one game before beginning another. Make your children clean up the messes they make. When they are wrong, teach them to take responsibility for their mistakes. When they play games, don't let them make their own rules. If a big, scary bully is bothering them, don't let them beat up the annoying little girl who lives near the bully. If they are feeble minded, don’t help them gain admission to a university that would otherwise never have them.

Harvard and Yale, stop the legacy madness. Undeserved credentials from a respected institution are proof of academia’s shameful role as enabler. Imagine if Harvard had conferred a medical degree on George W. Bush instead of a business degree. Maybe the legacy fondlers at Harvard are shrieking, “We would never do that! We only gave him a business degree!” Ask yourself, Harvard, could President Bush have done more harm as a physician?  And Yale, stop smiling as Harvard gets the brunt of this because President Bush’s first collegiate-level enabler was Yale. After all, if Yale had thrown out Mr. Bush, he would only be vice president today.

Alcoholics Anonymous, recognize that some people are more harmful when they are sober.  Close those doors to your meetings, and only admit those people whose sobriety would benefit society as a whole.  Note: Don't pattern your admission policies after any Ivy League institutions.

Churches, don't make it so easy for people to find Christ.  If you let them look a little longer, maybe they'll learn the right answer to "What would Jesus do?".

Voters, don't base your votes on gut instinct.  Guts are not required in the voting process.  It doesn't take courage to vote unless you're Al Gore.

Children, don't listen to Mom and Dad if they're Republicans. 

Comments

[eyecontact]

This is one of a finest posts I've read in a long time. Thank you for the sanity (and comedy -- well, ok, it's also a tragedy, but...)!